Hello, and welcome to the very first post of my blog, Honey Sweet Cutie. I wanted to have a place where I could chronicle the ins and outs of my life as I journey through recovery for my eating disorder. I have a complicated past that I will be undergoing a lot of treatment to detangle, all in the hopes that I can heal and live a healthy, fullfilling life. I want to have a place to look back to, to see how far I come, or even how far I fall. Over time, I will unpack my life piece by piece. At times, the pieces will be heavy, but hang in there because every so often I will let pieces of the true me shine through.
On this blog, there will be posts about eating disorders that are graphic and will not be censored, however I will preface them with a trigger warning.
For starters, I’d like to explain a little about my disorder. I will do a full post later, but for now, what you need to know is this: I am 27 years old and I am clinically overweight. I am half-black, but light-skinned and suffer from a severe disconnect from my racial identity. I have been binging since I was 9, and purging and starving since I was 18. I have an obsession with an ideal life I have created for myself in my head, a life I believe I will never get to have because I believe I am ugly and a bad person. I was bullied understatedly as I grew up, and experienced a lot of racism in my hometown. For example, when my first boyfriend when I was 16 saw my stomach, his eyes got really wide and he said, “Why don’t you just lose weight?” A lot more happened, but there’s just too much for me to explain right now in post 1. Anyway, I sought help 5 times and the fifth time, a doctor finally listened. Now, I am currently working with my doctor and a therapist and my insurance in the hopes of me entering into an intensive outpatient program at a treatment center, though my therapist is insistent that I do residential treatment.
A lot has happened in my life to lead me to this point, and I am definitely scared of what’s to come, but hopefully keeping this blog will help me and help you, the reader, understand another side of eating disorders that a lot of people don’t see.
Anyway, next post I think I will do a post that is a bit lighthearted and showcase
Until next time,
HoneySweetCutie
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